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“In every disagreement in your marriage, remember that there is not a winner and a loser. You are partners in everything, so you will either win together or lose together. Always work together to find a solution.”
~ Dave Willis
True indeed! And those who understand and follow this live together happily ever after. However in real situations, partners usually lose this spirit and difference of opinions gradually creates distance in relationships. Does that mean having exact same thoughts and opinions is the pre-requisite for a longer, happier marriage? No, it’s not that, in fact there are many couples who are poles apart with lots of variance in opinions but still people swear by their understanding and togetherness. It is just because they know the art of dealing disagreements and moreover they were able to see the difference between general disagreements and the ones that can be lethal for relationship.
Like any other relationship, general difference in opinions is absolutely fine; somewhat it brings that tangy-twist to monotonous days and secures the individuality of partners as well. But yes, every couple needs to be precautious in spotting the disagreements which can be potential threat to the longevity of their love-life. Overlooking these disagreements and not resolving them without delay may create deep scars in marriage. And the positive side is that, just, open discussions, a patient ear to listen and awareness for toxic-disagreements is all what you need to enjoy a longer- happier togetherness. So let’s talk about 5 disagreements which can be lethal for your relationship.
One of the most common disagreements that married couples have is the decision to have children and start a family. More often than not, couples seem to disagree on family planning. Whether to have kids or not, the right age to have kids and the number of kids, being some of the serious issues that may give rise to disagreement in a relationship. While one of the persons might be adamant on starting a family or planning for another baby, the other may have different views and not feel the time to be right for the same. A difference in opinions on kids, if stretched way too much, can be lethal for any relationship.
Sit with your partner and discuss your thoughts in detail about future, finances and each other’s desires before making any decision on having or not having a baby. Understand your partner’s views and talk about the responsibilities, financial expenses, job requirements and career planning while planning about kids.
Finances And Investment
Money matters can easily create unmendable cracks even in the most solid relationships. In a marriage, it becomes all the more important to discuss openly on all the finances and investments with the partner to avoid any type of disagreement. Management of daily finances can give birth to little disagreements which can have serious repercussions if not handles wisely. There may be disagreements on the purchases made, the amount of money spent, the money saved, the daily/monthly budget, future savings and much more. Mutual agreement on every small investment made and money spent is important to keep the relationship from hitting rock bottoms.
It is important that you understand that marriage is the union of finances & effective management needs to be done in order to not let any disagreement creep up about money. Discuss their future plans while also keeping in mind each other’s financial independence before making any big or small investment or finance decision. Understand their spending and saving habits and try to work around them.
Managing and distributing household chores can cause quite a lot of problems in any relationship. Most of the couples tend to disagree on the amount of work each has to do. It is important to understand the workload of the partner and balance out the household chores accordingly to not overburden a single person with all the responsibilities. In addition to that, both of you may be poles apart in the idea of cleanliness and may disagree on ways in which household chores are being done. There may even be disagreements on the way one partner is performing a particular chore or how much time he/she is dedicating to it. This attack on each other’s methods of doing work can be a cause of a great fight.
Don’t try to draw a middle line in household chores or overburden one person with all the work. Share the workload according to the thing they are better at doing to decrease disagreements and save time as well. This way you’ll see that the work get finished much easily and there are no attacks about work patters.
“As we all know, it’s all right to talk about our own parents, but when our partner calls them names to our face and insults [them], even if we believe it’s true, it’s a wound in the coupleship that never goes away,” opines a couple specialist, Karen Greenhouse. Saying bad things about the partner’s family may lead to serious conflicts between the couple. Apart from that, the argument about the partner’s family, especially the parents, may range from family meetings and celebrations to their mannerism and culture. The conflict in the liking for partner’s family may impact your relationship really badly.
Treat your partner’s family just like your own and try to bridge the gap between you and your in-laws instead of creating distance between your partner and his/her family. Decrease disagreements and accept your partner’s family as they are.
Friends And Outings
Many couples tend to have some serious fights on the partner’s friends and the outings that they go on. In fact, many people feel that the independence they had before marriage gets snatched from the moment they perform the matrimonial rituals. After marriage, there may emerge several disagreements between partners regarding the friend circle, the places you go with your friends and the stuff you do. It’s not necessary that you would like the social circle that your life partner has and may try to put restrictions on the same. This may lead to many conflicts and problems and ultimately lethal disagreements.
Understand your partner’s insecurities about you going out; in fact, to erase any chance of disagreement, take your partner along to some outings to let him/her gel with your group of friends as well.
It’s true that every couple disagrees on little things; in fact, it’s important to have small disagreements as long as you know how to resolve the conflict and fall back in your partner’s embrace after any heated argument. But it’s the bigger disagreements, like the ones discussed above, that should not spread their roots in your marriage; and if that’s happening weed them out now as they could be lethal for your relationship.